call me ashkan
A reading guide for a grand tour
day one: the restaurant as crucible
The greatest restaurant review of all time, but so much more than that.
You only think you can’t be transfixed by a pig’s arse—you can be.
For what crime? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
A tentpole story in the spiritual life Sydney, this one minute video captures the arrest of one of the city’s greatest, smallest fraudsters. A trail of unpaid bills eventually caught up with him, but he caused a cultural, if not political, revolution that endures to this day.
day two: birds, generally
Helen Mcdonald is, to continue the theme, a deeply odd bird. Among her credits are the Man Booker Prize, and being the King of Saudi Arabia’s preferred hawk breeder. Here she tells the tale of her ascent from grief by way of a goshawk. For further reading, see H is for Hawk.
My Bird Problem, Jonathan Franzen
People seem to think of this piece (the embryo which came to life in The Corrections) as a charming and delightful insight into a harmless and endearing hobby—bird watching. I have always seen it as a warning about the terrible dangers that lay ahead for antisocial hobbyists. I leave it to you to make the call.
This is David Sedaris’ first appearance on this list. It will not be his last.
day three: chickens, specifically
Poultry Slam, Act One: Witness for the Barbequetion
Another This American Life appearance. This one is a classic. Aside from one other vingette which appears later, it’s my favourite slice of audio they’ve ever produced. The second Act is also fantastic, but suffers here (like so much vegan food) from not being strictly chicken-based.
I love chickens. They have much to teach us. While we might see them as braindead ninnies, they have complex social relationships, are extremely beautiful, are a bother to nobody—and on top of all that, produce eggs. The It Bird indeed.
day four: politics, but not really
As should now be clear, Sedaris is a North Star of mine. As ever, the audio of him reading this is superior to the article, the last line of which I immediately sheathed into scabbard it gets pulled from weekly.
Will I know anyone at this Party?
More TAL, for a reason.
day five: women, and the men they endure
This article birthed the term ‘mansplaining’, without ever using it. A classic of Sonlit’s, this version of it is introduced by an article you should initially skip, and read after the main event. The opening anecdote is instantly canonical.
Yes you do have to watch it, Ashkan. It’s our history. Also it’s so, so good.This incredible meme
day six: gay
I was Born Homosexual, I Chose to be Gay
Aside from The Velvet Rage, which I spared adding to your brown paper bag in order to better supervise the disassembling which is the result of anyone reading it, this article is one of the more impactful pieces of writing I’ve ever read on gay life. In particular, the careful and constant observation we as gat men have had to practice since boyhood to find one another, and to keep safe, follows us into manhood in a range of magic, tragic and curious ways.
Polari, the Forgotten Secret Language of Gay Men
Clue is in the title—but seriously, we had a whole language.
PUTTING ON THE DISH // A short film in Polari
And here’s a short film in it! Consistent with much art on the lives of gay men in the era of Polari, it isn’t a wholly uplifting tale. Avoid watching on Tuesdays.
day seven: happiness, states of
Invisibilia bravely answers the question ‘Is podcasting possible without men?’ And who better than to helm that mission than the author of End of Men, Hanna Rosin. This episode is unforgettable. It is an interview with a woman incapable, medically, of feeling fear. Fear, it turns out, controls much of our lives.
An essay so famous it may have made its way even to you—and how lucky for it, if it has. If not, it tells compelling the one of the most mundane and least palatable facts of life: animals feels just like us, they don’t want to die, and it hurts them. It makes a powerful case (to me, anyway) for never assuming something to be so obviously true that it is unworthy or exploration.